She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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