youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
