The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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