sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
