this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
