it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
