Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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