I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
