I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
