wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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