this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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