Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
