you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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