i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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