that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
