It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
