He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
