Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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