No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
