You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
