Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
