Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
