You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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