Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
