I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
