You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
