I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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