i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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