i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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