is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
