Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
operation harelip BJ is a go
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
