how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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