I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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