well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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