I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
