Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
