the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
