My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
