so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just invented taco cereal.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
