she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my nap took me to another dimension
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
