No awkward lesbian experiences without me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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