He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
