You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
