Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
