8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
