seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
