i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
