If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
