my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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