There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
