when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
