I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
