he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
