What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
